Consequences
by lissylou78
Summary: The fallout from Emily's death and finding out she was alive after all...
1. The return of someone lost

It took a few moments for it to register that Emily was standing before them. After seven months of grieving her death, it seemed more than a miracle that she was standing right in front of them.

"Really, you didn't deserve that and I am so sorry." Emily apologised to Derek as she came face to face with him. She watched as a sea of emotions passed through his eyes. She wrapped her arms around him silently begging for his absolution.

"Where is Penelope?" she asked as she reluctantly let go of Morgan, not at all oblivious to the fact that he remained still in her embrace. As Emily's eyes travelled around the room in search of her beloved friend, her gaze was not met by anyone in the room.

"Garcia transferred to Crime Scene Investigations in New York, into Mac Taylor's team." Rossi answered sadly,

"What? When?" her eyes went straight to JJ's for confirmation, whose eyes confirmed what her mouth could not.

"We can get into that a little later. Let's get Declan home first." Hotch said knowing that any further explanation would only bring more questions. Determined to get Declan home safely Emily turned her attention back to the particulars of the case.

Within 12 hours Ian Doyle was dead and Declan was safely back with the family he had grown up knowing. He was safe and now able to live the rest of his life as a normal child.

Emily sat on the couch in JJ's office. Though she was now a fully qualified profiler, she was still looking over cases and being the media liaison as a result of Garcia's transfer.

"Jayje, what happened?"

"After your death, Derek just shut down. I mean he still did his job, but he pulled away from everyone. Especially Penelope. He didn't just pull away from her, he pushed her away, and one day she just had enough and reisgned."

"That doesn't sound like Garcia. She wouldn't leave just because of him,"

"No, but losing you had a this domino effect that had everyone retreating to their own corners. Penelope believed there was nothing left for her in this team. That she was no longer needed. That she wasn't a part of this team, this family."

"And Hotch and Morgan just let her go?" she asked in obvious disbelief,

"To Hotch's defence he just wanted her to he happy, and if New York could provide her with peace he wasn't going to get in the way of that.

"That bad between her and Morgan?"

"A train wreck beyond recognition."

"Oh Jayje, I feel terrible." Emily said sadly feeling responsible.

Derek took a detour as he drove home and found himself outside Penelope's apartment, even though he knew that she was no longer there.

"I can't keep doing this with you Derek. I thought I could just love you through this, but it isn't enough, it's never going to be enough. I loved her too. She was one of my best friends and I am doing my best to just put one foot in front of the other, breathe in and out. You're not the only one who lost her and you're not the only one who's angry. I am done being your punching bag Derek, if we keep going this way, I'm going to hate you, so I am going to take myself out of the equation, and maybe someday we'll run into those two people we once knew. The friends we once were to each other."

The following day when he came to work, Hotch had called him into his office and told him that Penelope had requested to be transferred effective immediately. She had not even gone through Hotch, but straight to Strauss. She had packed up and left without saying goodbye to any of them.

The guilt of what he and JJ had to do distanced him to the rest of the members of the team. Hotch could feel that they were all fraying at the seams and felt responsible for Penelope's departure. Truth was, after Emily's supposed death, they had all broken apart from each other.

Despite the sadness she felt after leaving Quantico, Penelope loved New York. She had known Mac from her childhood as he was one of her brother's best friends, from the moment go, she was a little sister to him and she adored him as a brother in return. He brought a sense of family and belonging that she so needed at that time and without that in the last few months, she would have been lost.

JJ, Emily and Hotch had hopped into his SUV that weekend so that Emily could see Penelope. Hotch felt he owed it to Penelope to be there, and to try and explain it. Judging from the cold shoulder from Spencer, and the coolness from Morgan, the possibility that Penelope would be mad at them all was a high one.

Penelope was coming home from brunch with Mac and Jo when she spotted Hotch and JJ sitting on her porch steps. Worry filled her expecting the worst. Sensing her panic, Jo placed a reassuring hand on her arm.

"What are you doing here? Is everyone okay?"

"Yeah PG, everything's okay. Hotch and I, we just have something to tell you, and it had to be in person, and I'm so sorry Garcie…" JJ begged for forgiveness knowing what was coming was going to be a slap in the face.

"Penelope, seven months ago. I made a decision…" he began. Penelope gasped as it became clear what it was they were trying to tell her,

"Oh my God, Emily's alive?" As if on queue Emily stepped out of the SUV and was standing before her. Penelope emotions were flooding through a hundred miles a minute. It left her speechless and unable to say anything.

"Garcie, I am so sorry." Emily apologised stepping forward wrapping her arms around her friend. Happy to see her Penelope savoured the moment till her brain kicked in. She stiffened immediately in Emily's embrace.


	2. In search of Absolution

Emily felt the sudden change in Penelope's demeanor as she felt her arms drop to her side.

"Garcie..." Emily pleaded in her ear not willing to let go of her friend,

"I am so sorry for putting you through all that. You have to believe me." Penelope's heart ached for her friend,

"I know you are Em. I'm really glad you're here, that you're alive. It's not every day that your worst moments get reversed, if that at all makes sense." Penelope said giving Emily a brief but meaningful squeeze before letting her go. It was not at all lost on Aaron, JJ and Emily that Penelope stepped back allowing physical distance between her and them.

"Thank you for driving all this way to tell me. I appreciate it." without another word to anyone she maneuvered between them to get to her front door and let herself in leaving Mac and Jo to deal with the three members of the BAU standing there in shock.

"Give her some time. She's had a really rough few months, and though she's getting there she's still licking her wounds. She loves you Emily and she's happy you're alive. She just needs to process." Mac began,

"We know this hasn't been a picnic for you either, any of you. But you have to remember something about Penelope, when she loves, she loves wholeheartedly and when she lost you Emily, as hard as that was she was determined to try and keep what was left together and when she couldn't, she fell apart. To her she didn't just lose Emily, she lost you all." Jo explained. Hotch and JJ hung their heads knowing what part they played in that. It would be easy to blame Derek, but they too abandoned her and there was no making up for that.

"I'm not quite sure where to go from here. She has every right to be angry." Hotch confessed to Mac feeling incredibly awful for What happened with Penelope.

"Give her time to work this out in her head. She'll come around. It's all on you guys. It's your turn to fight for her." Mac answered before giving them a farewell nod. Jo couldn't help but feel for Emily and JJ and gave their shoulders a sympathetic pat as she followed Mac to Penelope's apartment.

"Well that went well." JJ said with a sigh sitting back down on the porch steps.

"Can't say I blame her. While we're sitting here contemplating our next move, do you guys want to fill in the blanks?" Emily said looking from JJ and Hotch.

"After we lost you, I went back to my end of the law enforcement and the team tried their best to move forward with the loss of you. We all had our own way of coping. Every night for ten weeks Spence was crying in my lounge room. Rossi and Hotch banded together as always and we just assumed that Derek and Penelope would do as Derek and Penelope always did which was stick together. By the time we realized how bad it was between them, it was too late. She left without telling any of us. Her request for transfer effective immediately went straight to Strauss." Emily glanced at Hotch, who's gaze was focused on his hands. She placed a hand over his,

"This isn't on you alone Hotch, we're all in this. Though in theory what we did was necessary, and there was no other way around it, there are four people we isolated from that. We had our best friends, bury one of their own. Derek watched me supposedly die in his arms, and Penelope had to deal with the fallout of that, on all angles. She lost me, and seemingly the rest of you. They have every right to be angry, and honestly I don't know if this is something we can ever really recover from." JJ looked longingly up at Penelope's apartment, an ache in her heart told her just how much she missed her friend and how betrayed she much have felt knowing she played a part in deceiving them all. It was that guilt she felt that made her put some distance between them, which was something she was able to justify at the time, and now she struggled to justify it to herself, let along to her best friend.

Penelope looked out the window watching her friends sitting on the porch steps. She wished that she could give them the absolution they were looking for, but she just couldn't. So much had happened and so much was lost in only seven months. It started with a secret that led to inconceivable lies, and though in her heart she loved that Emily was back, her mind and parts of her heart couldn't reconcile the details surrounding it. Everything in her wanted to throw her arms around Emily and never let go and just be thankful for the chance to hug her again, but she just couldn't.

Derek knew that Emily, JJ and Hotch had taken a road trip to New York to tell her that Emily was indeed alive. There was a huge part of him that wanted to drive there just to make sure she was okay, knowing that she would struggle with it, but so much had changed between them. He hadn't heard from her since that night, and he had never tried to contact her. A part of him was relieved she had left, knowing that had she stayed, he would only have hurt her even more. At first he felt that he failed Emily, and failing her made him determined not to fail anyone else, especially Penelope who meant so much to him, but at the end, he failed her most of all.

"Mags," Jo said quietly coaxing Penelope out of her trance,

"Oh hey, sorry." She replied looking up at Jo and taking the tea she offered.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No, not really. Not yet. There's so many thoughts flying around in my head I don't know where to begin. I have all these unfiled emotions mixing with new ones. It's literally doing my head in."

"That's understandable." Mac assured her joining them on the bay window.

"I just wish it was as easy as she's alive and everything's alright, but it isn't and I don't know if it ever will be. With the exception of you two, there are only six other I trust so implicitly, three of them lied to me, and the rest of them just dropped out of my life. What does that say about what I thought we had?"

"You guys suffered an incredibly big loss and everyone handles grief differently, it was bound to challenge and test you."

"It turns out we were grieving for nothing. I guess what makes me that little bit more angry is that the loss was for nothing. She was alive all this time."


	3. Resolved

Half an hour later Aaron, Emily and JJ stood outside Penelope's door somewhat uncertainly. Not quite sure what their next move would be, but sitting out on her porch coming up with nothing wasn't going to get them anywhere.

"So we were wondering if you would have dinner with us tonight?" JJ asked as Penelope opened the door.

"Please Garcie…" Emily begged locking her gaze with Penelope's. Penelope looked back at Mac and Jo who were still sitting by her bay window giving her an encouraging nod,

"I guess," Penelope answered with a sigh.

"Great, we'll come and get you at six. We're staying at the Hilton a few blocks away."

"How about I just meet you guys at SPIEG's. It's a couple of blocks from your hotel and here."

"Sure, sounds like a plan."

"Uh Garcia, Jack wanted me to give this to you." Aaron said handing her a small stuffed dinosaur which looked to be a smaller version of his favourite stuffed dinosaur.

"We were walking around at Neiman Marcus last week and he saw this and insisted on buying it for you with his pocket money. He said you should have your very on Alfie now that you're so far away from everyone, so that you won't be lonely, and that you'll always remember him." Penelope's eyes welled up as she took the dinosaur from Aaron and held it close to her.

"Thank you."

"How is Jack doing Hotch?" Emily asked as they walked back to their hotel.

"He's doing really well. He's doing great at school. He plays soccer. He's your basic happy seven year old boy. I owe a lot of that to Penelope."

"Was she still doing counseling with him?" she asked while Hotch shook his head.

"She stopped officially assessing him a year after we lost Haley, and just transitioned as his friend and confidant. Whenever he has a thing he'll ask to talk to her. Before she moved here to New York she made sure he had a way to reach her. Set up his computer with Skype and made sure he had all her numbers."

"I'm pretty sure Jack and Henry were the only ones she said goodbye to in Virginia.

"Not even you Jayje?" JJ shook her head sadly.

"Between the guilt I already felt and having Spence every night for ten weeks the last thing I wanted was to look at Pen in the eye knowing that every moment that went by that I didn't tell her about you was another moment that I was lying to her, and lying to her face was something I just didn't want to do."

"I'm sorry for putting you in that position. Both of you." Emily apologized sorrowfully.

"This wasn't your fault Em, and we're nothing but thankful that we have you back. It'll just take some time with th rest of the crew." Aaron said trying to assure her.

By the time Hotch, Emily and JJ got to Spieg's Penelope was already there despite the fact that they made sure to arrive at least ten minutes earlier. She was nervous and to keep herself from fidgeting she started answering work emails from her blackberry. As the trio approached the table they were taken aback by how different she looked. Their initial meeting that morning did not register how much weight she had lost, that the pink streaks that they had always known her for no longer sat prominently throughout her hair. That her wardrobe lacked the colour and pizazz that made her the Penelope they knew. Instead the young lady that sat before them in her fitted jeans, a simple pink tank top and cream fitted blazer could only be explained as the grown up version of the friend they had always loved. There was an air of confidence about her, a distinct comfortableness of self that was no longer hiding behind the exuberant persona she always projected. She had blossomed in her absence and they missed it. They had missed being a part of it.

Penelope who spent the better part of the day talking herself off several ledges in her mind. In theory she knew that they had no choice but to do what they did. By heart she couldn't help but feel hurt and betrayed. She'd had to make peace with it within herself and knew there was no point in being so angry at Emily, or Hotch or JJ. It was an impossible position to be in, and Emily's life and safety was priceless. At the end of the day, that was the most important. She was alive and despite the hurt she initially felt, having her alive is all that really mattered. As she pressed send on her email she looked up to see them headed her way. She stood to her feet to greet them hello,

"You guys found the place okay?" Hotch, Emily and JJ smiled and nodded. It was hard to miss that there was a distinct difference in Penelope's demeanor. What was so hurt and betrayed that morning, in place was now resolve, understanding and forgiveness. Emily pulled her into a tight embrace,

"I've so missed you Garcie,"

"Me too Em." Penelope replied in a whisper tightening her grip for a moment, thankful that her friend was indeed alive. After a somewhat jilted start, the conversation flowed almost effortlessly.

"How are the boys?" Penelope asked politely and some what generically.

"They're okay. It's been busy. JJ's actually back to the BAU." JJ smiled in confirmation

"That's great. With Em back you have the whole gang."

"It's not same without you Garcie," JJ replied sadly. Penelope placed her hand over JJ's and gave it a squeeze before shifting the conversation, not quite ready to talk about her place in the team just yet.

"So what are you doing these days Penelope?" Hotch asked.

"At the moment I am working in the team that developed the software to identify victims of 911. We've been testing the current model trying to apply modifications to see if we can be more accurate and be faster. I'll be there for another couple of weeks in the process part of it all, afterwards I'll be moving on to developing my own software for other things. Long term, once my software has been passed, I'll be implementing and training tech analysts such as the old me on how to use them."

"Wow Garcie that's amazing!" Penelope grinned,

"I love it! There are some days I get so into it I forget what time it is, but by 6 if I'm still there I usually get dragged out of there by Mac or Jo, more often than not by both. But I'm no longer staring at horrible images, picking at the breadcrumbs of unsubs. I sleep better at night. Let's face it I was never a lifer. You guys, you love it." Penelope paused thoughtfully,

"I would have thrown the towel in eventually Hotch." she said meeting his gaze for what seemed like the first time that day.

"I realize I stayed on the job as long as I did because of the team, because it was a way I could keep an eye out for all of you and ensure that you all return home safely. But I had to realize that I'm not the only excellent tech analyst in the tech pool and it was merely my attachment to you all that kept me in a job that though on a good day is rewarding, I no longer wanted. It's not your fault I called it quits Aaron. Truth was the events that followed from Em's supposed death was just the nail on the coffin. Excuse the pun. It was time for a change and with the exception of my love for you all, there was nothing keeping me there. My going above your head wasn't a statement of my disappointment in you as the leader of our team, but simply because I didn't know how to face you. I didn't want to see the disappointment in your face and honestly had you have asked me to stay, I would have." she offered him the absolution he was sure he wanted, but as she gave it to him, all he felt was the urge to apologize for failing her in more ways than one. It became clear what it was she was trying to say, that she was never coming back. Her words almost seemed like a plea to not ask her to. There was a brief silence and Penelope knew that they had heard her unspoken request to not ask her to come back and allow her to get on with her life in New York.

She was finally happy. She missed them. God knows she did but she loved her life and what she did. Admittedly she had grown to love not seeing the man who broke her heart everyday as though he blamed her for the loss of their friend. The one who couldn't even stand to be in the same room with her the moment they lost Emily. Her supposed best friend, now that was a laugh. There was no point in asking her if she was sure. Everything in her demeanor told them she was more than sure. She was resolved and she had moved on. Shame filled Aaron at the thought that all it would take was for them to apologize and she would come home, realizing she deserved more, and where she was, was where she deserved to be.


	4. Back in a world that's no longer mine

When Hotch, Emily and JJ returned from New York, a part of Derek had hoped that she would be in tow, and when she wasn't he realized he almost expected that she wouldn't return. He absorbed all that they relayed to the rest of the team as Rossi and Reid asked after her, both feeling as guilty as the rest of them for having driven her away. Emily watched Derek from the corner of her eye as his face remained neutral the whole time. She knew that his distrust in all of them made him mask and calculate the reactions he revealed.

For the weeks that followed the rest of them learned to once again work with each other. In time Spencer had forgiven JJ for having kept the circumstances around Emily's death a secret. Like Penelope he realized that it was the only way to keep Emily safe till Doyle was dead and all that really mattered was that Emily was alive and that she was safe.

Though Derek was glad that Emily was alive and safe, he was finding it hard to trust any of them and found himself keeping a safe distance. He knew the one person he trusted most in the world was now living a life without him, and he was to blame for that.

"Hey Derek, we're about to get some lunch did you want to join us?" Emily asked,

"No thanks. I'll see you guys later," he replied politely heading out the door. Emily's heart sank. She missed Derek but understood his anger. He believed for seven months that she had died in his arms, only to find out that she lied about that and so much more.

"Don't take It to heart, it's not just about you. He's buried a long list of issues in that mind of his that only a minefield explosion can dig up. He'll get there. He loves you and he's happy you're home. He's just a stubborn ass hat sometimes." Emily turned around surprised not expecting to see Penelope who was standing before her.

"Oh my gosh! What are you doing here? It's so good to see you! I'm so glad you're here." Emily squealed in excitement throwing her arms around her friend.

"I had a meeting with Strauss, tie up a few loose ends what not. I also had to meet with the real estate agent to prep my place for sale this morning."

"Lunch?" Penelope looped an arm through Emily's ad grinned,

"Lead the way my friend."

With the exception of Hotch, everyone else looked up in surprise as she and Emily entered one of their favourite haunts Halliwell's which was a pub near the Bureau. They had spent many lunches and many nights at Halliwell's. A lot of good memories lived there, fond moments for all.

"Garcie!" JJ exclaimed excitedly jumping to her feet being the first one to spot them.

"Hey Jayje! It's good to see you too." Penelope replied with a chuckle as JJ hugged her tightly, Rossi close behind

"It's good to see you Bella."

"Garcia..." Reid began uncertainly,

"It's okay Junior G, really. It's okay." she assured him as she pulled him into a hug. Reid held on to her tightly his chin resting on her shoulder.

"I've really missed you."

"Me too Reid. Me too."

After she had hugged them all they sat down to lunch. Penelope caught Reid and Rossi up with what was new with her and vice versa.

"So how long are you in town for?" Rossi asked

"A few days at most. I have another meeting with the board tomorrow and the tenant who was renting out my apartment moved out over the weekend so I'm just getting it ready for sale. I took most of my stuff when I moved to New York, like the big things but I left what was in the attic up there along with other things I couldn't bring at the time."

"The Board PG?" Penelope looked over at Hotch knowing that he left it up to her to explain the details,

"Derek was convinced that the only way we would ever catch Doyle was through his son. He knew that because Emily had confirmed he would be alive, he would go looking for her. So from the get go I've been keeping an eye out on him. Derek knew that if I could find Declan, Doyle would be able to find him too. Which is how we were able to take Doyle into custody."

"So you worked this from New York?"

"Well I started it and it felt like it would be a disservice to you if I just dropped it, and somehow after I found Declan I felt responsible for him."

"Thank you." Emily said gratefully knowing if it wasn't for Penelope or Derek she may never have been able to come back and that Doyle would have eventually gotten his hands on Declan.

Needless to say that lunch lasted longer than usual as they were all reluctant to say goodbye to her.

"Dinner tonight?" Hotch asked

"I would love to but I'll actually be working for the rest of the afternoon and possibly evening. I'm overseeing a couple of projects and we're up to the testing stages and I said I'd do them whilst I was here. And if I want to be packed up and ready to go the day after tomorrow I should really do that tonight."

"How about tomorrow? I'll cook dinner at mine." David offered,

"That sounds great. It's been awhile since I've had decent Italian."

"Awesome, we will see you there." Emily said as they hugged goodbye.

"Hotch and Jayje I'd really like to see the boys while I'm here. Is it okay if I drop by tomorrow after my meeting and hang with Henry for a bit and Hotch I'd really like to pick up Jack from school tomorrow and maybe take him out for ice cream. "

"Jack would love it Penelope. I'll let Jessica and the school know."

"Will and Henry will be home tomorrow so come whenever you're done." JJ replied,

"Thank you. See you guys tomorrow."

They all watched her rather longingly as they parted on the ground floor as she headed in one direction and they in another. Running late himself, Derek caught the guys at the lobby. His gaze followed theirs in curiosity. He stopped in his tracks recognising the departing figure. Though she looked different than he remembered there was no doubt that it was Penelope. The tightening of his heart confirmed as much.

"Is that?"

"Yes," they answered in unison,

"Sorry Hotch, I may be a little late coming back from lunch," he said before bolting after her.

"Take your time." Hotch answered somewhat unnecessarily as Derek was long gone.

"That'll be an interesting conversation," Rossi commented as the rest of them nodded in agreement heading back to their office.

Derek had to present his badge at the entrance point of Crime Scene Investigations almost losing Penelope as she was about to turn a corner.

"Baby Girl," he called out loud enough for her to hear. Penelope stopped in her tracks, her heart dropping to the floor. Though she had prepared herself for the possibility of seeing him again, she wasn't quite ready at that very moment. She thought about just continuing on and pretending she didn't hear him, but she knew that he would know that she did. Taking a huge breath, Penelope turned and saw him running towards her.

"Hey," he said as he stood before her. He wanted to pull her into his arms, tell her he was sorry, but all he could do was say 'hey'

"Hey," she replied back uncertain as to what he was expecting for her to say or do at that point. They had not parted in the best of terms, and though she had forgiven him for his transgressions and understood his behaviour, she no longer trusted in him or their friendship.

"It's good to see you." He managed to say, as though he was sifting through his mind for what to say.

"You too Derek," when no words followed from that Penelope regretfully looked towards the door knowing she was about to run late.

"I'm sorry Derek, but I have to be in there. I have a meeting in five minutes. We're having dinner at Rossi's tomorrow night. You should join us." She said apologetically, and out of habit she gave his arm a squeeze before walking into the sliding doors that led to the labs leaving Derek somewhat dumbfounded. It was not how he had pictured their meeting to be. For one he expected rage. He almost expected that she would slap him, yell at him, but what he got was worse than he could have imagined. She was resolved. 


	5. To make amends

Everyone tried to not look as though they weren't waiting for Derek to return, and for a bunch of people who were experts at behaviour, hiding their own was something they did rather poorly. Derek's almost immediate return confirmed that they would not have had the opportunity to talk. Whether or not it was because he didn't catch her in time or because she refused was something they didn't particularly want to ask him. For that Derek was grateful.

Still reeling from shock Derek was still processing in his head. He knew he screwed up. The fact that she had to leave as a result of his behaviour towards her screamed that loud and clear for all those present in their immediate world. Yet it wasn't enough for him to run after her and beg her to come back. He always justified it with she deserved better, that she deserved a new start but really he was just so angry at the world that he couldn't see straight. After Emily's return his anger shifted from Doyle to Hotch, JJ and even Emily. Though like the rest of them, in theory there was no other choice, it was the only way to keep Emily safe, the loss he felt without Penelope didn't allow him to appreciate what they had managed to get back. How fortunate they were for the second chance they were able to have.

"You okay Garcie?" a text came through for Penelope as she came out of her meeting. Penelope bit her lower lip in deep thought before replying,

"I'm fine Em. In truth I think he would probably be the one you need to ask that question. I've had the chance to make peace with all that has happened between us and though it will always hurt how he behaved, I've accepted it. It was the only way I could move forward. But I think he's hit pause since we lost you and he hasn't allowed himself to hit play till he saw me because somehow seeing me made it real. I will never not love Derek Morgan but we will no longer be who we were before, and as sad of a thought as that is, I'm good with it. Maybe some things aren't meant to last forever."

Emily couldn't help but let out a huge sigh. A part of her felt so responsible for the state of their team. How their once so tight knit of a clan not only frayed at the seams but shattered into a thousand pieces, and it was because of her. There was tension at every corner, in each relationship. Hotch's integrity was compromised and JJ's loyalties were questioned. A few seconds later her phone beeped again, this time with an email from Penelope,

"None of this is your fault Em. It was a shock to see you, to find out you were alive, but there was never a question as to whether what they did was the right thing to do. You're family and what had to be done was done to ensure your safety. I could never and would never begrudge that, and though seemingly Derek is, he isn't. He's just mad at the whole world. Derek Morgan rarely loves wholeheartedly and he rarely trusts, therefore when it is broken he falls apart, he hits a wall, but once Derek Morgan loves you, he loves you forever. And he loves you Em, he just needs to work himself out. Give him time. The Derek Morgan we all know and love is in there, he just needs to lick his wounds and he needs to know that he can trust you, and all of us again. Once he gets passed that, everything will be okay. Don't give up on him. And stop beating yourself up. You are the heart of the team. Your relationship with each of those guys is unique, and it is key to what makes you all work so well together. It's what takes you guys from teammates to family, and with this line of work, you don't need teammates watching your back, you need family. Hang in there. I'll see you at Rossi's for dinner tomorrow night. Love you always my friend, Garcie xx"

Unable to compose herself Emily stood to her feet as tears began to well up in her eyes. Penelope's words meant so much to her. Not to mention her timing was impeccable. Derek looked up in time to see her discreetly and quickly wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. He watched as she pushed the elevator button willing it to open faster, in hope that no one had seen her. Contemplating his next move, he was interrupted by the instant messenger on his computer.

"Derek, let her off the hook! Simple as that. You know in your heart of hearts that Emily would never hurt you, or lie to you. What happened was a colossal effect of unfortunate circumstances, what was done, had to be done. And really, can you be mad when we have her back. Don't push her away. She needs you. The team needs you. I know that you feel betrayed, but you nor I can say for sure that were we put in the same circumstances we wouldn't make the same choices to keep those we love safe. I don't want you to isolate yourself from the team, they love you, and they are your family. Don't push them away…and Derek, Hotch, Emily and JJ aren't to blame for where you and I are. We are. Don't get it all muddled in your head as one thing. It isn't. Please come tomorrow night. It would mean a lot to all of us if you were there too. You and I will have that talk, I promise. For now, I need you to let Emily off the hook. The guilt she is carrying is unnecessary. Please Derek, release her from it. She's still Emily."

Penelope felt exhausted. Though it literally took only minutes to write those two emails, it brought up emotions she had managed to fight off for six months since her departure. Getting up from her interim desk she walked back down to the lab to finally get started on her work.

"Hey, are you okay?" Emily glanced away from the view and looked at Derek,  
>"Yeah, listen I know it doesn't make it less hurtful, but I truly am sorry Derek. I never wanted to you through that."<br>"I know Em. I do."  
>"I know you must hate me right now,"<br>"Hey, I don't hate you." He said interrupting her, placing a both hands on each shoulder turning her so that she was facing him,  
>"I admit that I was mad as hell at all of you, for making me believe that we lost you after you died in my arms, but I am happy that you're alive, that we have a second chance, and I am sorry that my stubbornness stopped me from fully appreciating that. I guess I blamed you for the stupid things I did because I thought I lost you, and that wasn't cool. At the end of the day I was an ass hat and I have to live with that. I have to live with the consequences of my actions, no matter how much that sucks." Emily chuckled,<br>"Well, the first step to recovery is admitting you are indeed an ass hat."  
>"Why thank you for your support," he replied rolling his eyes. Emily stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist,<br>"Hey, we'll be okay. I promise. You just need to let me do this one day at a time. I won't be pissed at you forever, and for the record, I'm glad you're home Em." He said as he hugged her tightly,  
>"Me too Morgan, me too." <p>


	6. Spending the day with those she loved

After her meeting with the board Penelope went straight to Will and JJ's to see Henry. Henry reached for his godmother when they opened the door.

"Aww I've missed you too my little monkey." she greeted with an appreciative laugh as Henry practically dove out of Will's arms into hers squealing in pure delight.

"Fair-eee Pen-eee."

"That's right cutie pie I'm Penny your fairy Godmother. You're a smart little cookie aren't you handsome boy?" she said as she cuddled him close to her.

"Fair-eee Pen-eee has missed you so much little one."

"Miss fair-eee Pen-eee." Henry said putting his pudgy little hands on her cheeks.

"If I didn't know any better I would think your cheeky momma has been training you to successfully pull at your Fair-eee Pen-eee's heartstrings."

"I can vouch that she hasn't, that's all him. He's really missed you Pen. We all have."

"Thanks Will. I've missed you guys too. How are you doing?" she asked as she bounced Henry on her lap.

"I'm good. We're good."

"How are you with having your wife back on the field?" she threaded carefully knowing that he would not exactly been initially thrilled.

"I don't love it but I can live with it. She loves what she does and it only makes her a better person and a better mother doing something she loves and my nerves remain calm knowing that she's in a team that would die for each other. I trust you all with my wife's life. That you'd do everything to get her back to me."

"And they will and me too if they need the extra hand. They know that. Your wife is in excellent hands."

"It's what gets me to sleep at night when she's not home. Not soundly but asleep all the same."

"Well that's better than no sleep at all."

"Ain't that the truth?" he answered with a smile.

Penelope from the beginning had been fond of Will and the feeling was more than mutual. Though Will loved the rest of the team especially after he got to know them, he was always drawn to her energy and ability to welcome an outsider in their rather tight family unit.

"So it looks like Jen was right, New York does agree with you. You're looking great Garcie." Penelope blushed,

"Thanks Will. I love New York. For years they have been offering me this job and my first instinct was always a no because I hated change but now. I can't imagine my life any other way."

After spending a couple of hours playing with Henry and catching up with Will she went to pick up little Jack Hotchner for their afternoon of fun.

"AUNT P!" Jack screamed in excitement as his gaze fell on her expecting his aunt Jessica to pick him up as she did every day. Penelope crouched down and readied herself for the impact of a seven year old. Jack torpedoed towards her and flung his arms around her neck.

"What are you doing here?" he asked bouncing,

"Well I was in town and thought to myself its been ages since you and an have had a Jack and Aunt P date so if you weren't too busy with homework we could go out for ice cream, maybe go to the fair. What do you think?"

"Yes yes yes! It's Friday Aunt P, I can do homework tomorrow."

"Hmm, I guess you could. Shall we?" she asked holding out a hand to him. Jack looked at her hand, instead of taking it he looked back up at her and wrapped his arms around her legs.

"I've missed you bucket loads Jack Hotchner." she said running her hands through his hair before giving him another squeeze.

"I've missed you lots too Aunt P."

Jack and Penelope had a great afternoon. She had taken him to the fair as promised, they walked around, had ice cream, rode the roller coaster and walked along to the boardwalk. When Penelope had come to drop him off, he had talked her into giving him his bath and tucking him into bed.

"You can go ahead if you want Hotch. There's no sense in both of us getting there late." she saw him hesitate.

"You should go. Can you really see any of those guys being Rossi's sous chef?"

"You've got a point. Alright if you're sure. Now Jack, one chapter and Aunt P has to leave okay, so don't try and con her into more."

"Yes Daddy."

"Good boy. I'll come see you when I get in. Sleep tight. I love you"

"I love you daddy" Hotch wrapped an arm around Penelope's shoulder and gave her a brief but significant squeeze. Penelope placed a hand on the hand that draped over shoulder and tip toed to give his cheek a quick peck.

"I'll see you shortly," she promised picking up Jack's book getting ready to read to him.

"Where's Pen? I would have thought you would have taken the opportunity to talk her into carpooling so you can get some time with her?" JJ asked somewhat knowingly as she waited for him to get out of the car having arrived only moments before him.

"Not for the lack of trying, but little Hotchner has a bigger pull than his Daddy, so when he looked at her with those big brown eyes and asked if she would read to him, well did I really stand a chance?" JJ laughed,

"Not a hope. Especially now that he's sporting that rather cute toothless grin."

"We the first ones here?" he inquired looking at Rossi's rather empty driveway.

"Emily and Reid jumped in Rossi's car from work to apparently give him a hand but I'm sure Spence just wants to raid Rossi's wall to wall of classics in the library, and Em wanted an excuse to ask Pen or Derek for a ride home."

"Nice one Em!" Hotch said rather impressed

"I know! Chances are through one of us will have to drive her home because Derek will probably insist on talking to her tonight."

"True that."

"Oh hey, you're here late." Penelope greeted. Derek pulled up as she stood at the door about to ring the bell. Derek hopped off his bike and took off his helmet.

"You too."

"Jack Hotchner" she said simply and he smiled in understanding knowing Jack had special super powers when it came to Penelope. Before Derek could say anything the door opened,

"Oh I thought I heard your bike." Penelope couldn't help but feel relieved to see Reid at the door.

"Hey Junior G," Reid grinned at the sight of her, uncharacteristically pulling her into a huge hug. Derek couldn't help but be envious of how simply they all seemed to fit back into each others lives, while he couldn't even bring himself to attempt giving her a hug uncertain of whether she would welcome it or jump a mile.

"Oh hey the gangs all here, finally!"

"Sorry Dave," Penelope apologized profusely,

"So how long did it take you to extract yourself from young Hotchner? He asked amused,

"A little longer than anticipated." she confessed rather sheepishly.

"To no fault of his. I was the one who couldn't bare to part with him," quick to defend Jack from possible parental lecture. Hotch laughed,

"So how many chapters did you get through?" Penelope unable to look at him mumbled somewhat inaudibly.

"What was that Penelope?" Hotch asked holding in a smirk,

"We finished the book okay. There were only a few chapters left." The rest of them laughed heartily knowing she was about to be scolded,

"Don't start," she warned him. Hotch threw his hands up in the air,

"What? I say nothing," he replied defensively with a big smirk on his face. As Rossi led them back to the kitchen Hotch managed to cough

"Pushover," earning a playful shove from Penelope.


	7. Dropping a bomb

The meal that Dave laid on the table was amazing and a couple of hours later they were all almost comatose from the amount of food they had consumed. There were many pockets of the evening when it was as though nothing had changed. Emily hadn't supposedly died. Penelope hadn't moved away. That they were all friends who trusted each other implicitly. But there were other moments, awkward moments that made them see that they were indeed different people.

They had specifically stayed off certain topics and Penelope found herself choosing her words carefully as she spoke of her new life in New York knowing it was still a sensitive topic. She had caught a certain look in Derek's face a few times in the evening. There were moments where they would lose him altogether. There was still so much anger within him that it made her worry for his safety when he was out on the field, with that distinct 'I don't care, I have nothing to lose. I can take on the world' attitude that hovered over him, whether he realized it or not she didn't know and she certainly didn't feel qualified in pointing it out. It had been six months and she didn't feel she had a right to hold him accountable anymore when she wasn't even sure if they were friends.

Aaron saw the longing in Derek's eyes as he looked at Penelope throughout the night. They all knew how much he missed her. How badly he felt for how he treated her. Though the rest knew they had played a part in her decision to flee and felt incredibly horrible for it, it pailed in comparison to what Derek felt. Penelope was the one person in the world who truly got him and loved him in spite of it. She may have even been in love with him at one point they suspected but the Penelope that sat around the table filled with composure and grace revealed not a trace of that. Whether she had managed to get over him in her transformation and realization of self, or she had just managed to bury it, they guessed they'd never know unless they drilled her about it, which required a level of trust they were all still working on with each other. She was still Penelope who cared deeply for each of them, but she wasn't the same Penelope that left them, and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Hotch, like the rest of them were so proud of her and marveled that she had come out of shell, bravely discovering who she was and celebrating it.

"Garcie, I think your phone is ringing." JJ pointed out as her bag in the corner began to vibrate. They had just finished dessert and were well into coffee at that point,  
>"Do you mind Dave? I technically am on call?" she asked the host apologetically.<br>"Not at all Bella." Penelope rose to her feet and dove towards her bag  
>"Garcia," she answered<br>"Oh hey Mike. No that's fine I told Mac if you run into any issues to give me a call. What's going on?" instead of carrying on with the conversation at the dinner table they found themselves listening to her troubleshoot effortlessly as she booted up her laptop in the corner and made tweaks from her end,  
>"No that's fine. I'm glad you called me. It's better we catch that glitch now rather than later. Well that should do it. I've just patched it up. Any other issues call me. I'll be up awhile. Yup, you're welcome Goof. I'll see you when I get back," just as she was about to put her phone away it rang again,<br>"Oh hey, I'm still at Dave's. No, that's okay. I was just about to drop you a text anyway to let you know I was still here. Hmm probably," Penelope chucked  
>"I will do. I promise. Night."<p>

"Sorry guys!" she apologized as she sat back down in her chair. Penelope caught the look of curiosity exchanged between Emily and JJ. She knew an interrogation would come eventually. Truth of the matter was, they knew very little about her new life in New York, or about her in general. But as much as she loved being back and seeing them all again, and making sure that they were all okay, she wasn't quite ready to fully share about her life after them.

"Hey Garcia, I just wanted to say how sorry I was for not being there for you, you know when everything fell apart." Reid apologized as they cleaned the dinner table together while the others were already in the kitchen loading up the dishwasher,  
>"Reid, honey I know how rough it was for you losing Emily, and it's okay really. It made me realize that I could stand on my own two feet. Rely on myself, and that's really important to me. What 'us' that there was that seemingly fell apart pushed me to decide what I really want and just go for it. As hard as it was, I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm happy Reid. Really happy." Penelope drew him into a tight embrace.<br>"I may not be in the same building anymore, but if you need me, I've still got your back, wherever I am," she promised in his ear as he nodded briefly tightening his hold on her.

"So Garcia, are you heading back tomorrow? Why don't you stay the weekend? Plenty of room in any of our places if yours in no longer available." Rossi offered,  
>"Yes Garcie! That would be awesome! Stay at mine!" Emily exclaimed excitedly,<br>"I would love to but I'm actually heading back early tomorrow morning. My place is all packed up ad closed up as of this afternoon and keys handed over. I'm staying at the Hyatt for the night. I would have headed straight home after the Jackers but I also wanted to make sure that all the testing and implementation transitioned smoothly, that I didn't want to miss dinner with you guys."  
>"Are you driving back?" Hotch inquired.<br>"Yeah I drove Mac's SUV down so I could empty out my place. It's a nice drive. I'm hoping to be back in my place by lunchtime. With me being here a few days I have so much I have to get done before the end of next week."  
>"Deadline?" Hotch asked,<br>"Sort of. I'm off to Hawaii with a few friends. It's sort of a send off before I leave for London," she answered carefully knowing he had just dropped a bomb. Derek's head snapped up, as the rest of them stared at her in obvious shock.  
>"I've designed a software that they've just passed for implementation. They're sending me with the software to London to share the intel and get them all set up an trained up. It's been a whole lot of red tape an it's a miracle it got passed, let along London."<br>"Wow Penelope that's an amazing opportunity!" Em exclaimed proudly wrapping her arms around her friend. Penelope returned the hug gratefully,  
>"Garcie, I'm so proud of you." JJ seconded joining them in their huddle. It took a moment or two before Hotch, Rossi and Reid followed. Derek unsurprisingly remained where he stood. Only Rossi had seen his discreet need to lean against the closest piece of furniture to steady himself. Unable to look at him Penelope's focus remained on the rest of her friends. As harsh as it was, she didn't owe him any explanation nor any apologies. She answered their questions of where and importantly how long,<br>"I'm not sure about the how long. I'm scheduled to be in London for maybe three months and then if all goes well, Paris, Russia, Italy and a few other places for a period of time."  
>"Oh my gosh Garcie, that's exciting!"<br>"It totally is. Mac and Jo have been really good at poking me to make sure it's sunk in."  
>"I'm sure Mac is going to miss you. Not to mention Jo," Emily said knowingly.<br>"And vice versa, hence our little impromptu trip to Hawaii."

It was another hour before Penelope regretfully began to say her goodbyes, it was well after one in the morning and with an early and a full day she had to be of clear mind. It did not escape her that Derek had not uttered a word since her announcement. She could see the questions rolling around in his head. In unnerved and comforted her that she could still read him like a book. Despite how he had closed her off in the last year, she could still see right through him.

"So I guess this is it for awhile. Not sure exactly when I'll be back in US soil," she said somewhat regretfully. The thought of being so far away from them only a month before was inviting, if not necessary and now, she knew she would miss them in a different way to the way she had been missing them for almost a year. She was glad that she was able to leave on better terms, at least with most of them.  
>"I can't believe you're going to be so far away." Emily murmured as she hugged her friend hugged,<br>"Europe isn't that far Em,"  
>"I'm going to miss you even more. I just got you back, and now you're leaving."<br>"Oh sweetheart, I may not be in the same country but if you need me, I'll be here. I promise. Just think of it as though I'm only in New York,"  
>"Keep in touch okay?"<p>

"Of course," she vowed.

"You give my Godson an extra big hug from his Fairy Penny okay, and you take care of yourself."  
>"Having you in New York was hard enough," JJ complained softly, tears beginning to form,<br>"Oh Jayje, it's okay. Everything will be okay. I'm still contactable by phone, email, texts. I have spoken to Will. Henry and I have a Skype date at least once a week. As do Jack and I." She added throwing her glance to Hotch who smiled appreciatively knowing just how much his son loved Penelope.

Penelope had hugged the boys in a somewhat strategic order, leaving Hotch last

"I'm happier than I've ever been Hotch. You are not responsible for my leaving. You don't owe me any apologies, what you did was the only thing you could have done. We have Em back and that's all that matters. You did not and have not ever failed me. Please believe that." She said softly hugging him tighter than normal,  
>"You need anything, you call. Check in regularly," he demanded with a soft stern look that brought a grin to her face,<br>"Of course Boss Man."

They all watched as she hopped into Mac's SUV giving them all one last wave before pulling out of the driveway. She could feel her heart drop to her feet as she reversed out of Dave's driveway, there they were, the six people she once trusted above all others, loved beyond measure, and adored instinctively stood side by side watching her leave. Though she was sad to say goodbye, in her heart she was ready.

Penelope had just changed into her sweats ready for bed when a light knock on her door startled her. As soon as she heard the knock, it was not necessary to even peek through the hole. She knew it would be him. She knew that he would show up at her doorstep, leaving or not, he would have been there. As she opened the door, Derek did not waste a second and drew her into his arms into meaningful hug. Penelope closed her eyes and breathed him in and for a moment, she could convince herself that nothing had changed, that he was still Derek her best friend, and as quickly as the thought entered her mind, her subconscious kicked in. Derek felt her stiffen in his embrace. Knowing that the moment was lost, he reluctantly loosened his grip and released her.

"You promised me we'd talk, so let's talk P."


	8. The beginning of a new chapter

Not entirely sure where to begin Penelope ushered him and closed the door, all the while trying to gain back the composure she momentarily lost.

"I'm not quite sure what you want me to say Derek. I pretty much said it all that night." she said softly as she faced him.  
>"P, I want to say sorry." the regret lingered in his voice, his sincerity hard to miss that Penelope couldn't help but soften.<br>"Derek, I know you are and it's okay." she said with a sigh. She found absolving him wasn't as hard as she thought it would be. Looking at her Derek knew she meant it, but he also knew that things had changed between them. Though she forgave him, and he believed in his heart that she did there was no going back to what once was. He had taken for granted that what they had would always be there and that everything would remain the same. He had taken her for granted.  
>"When we lost Em, when I thought she had died in my arms, all I could think was I failed her. I failed us all. I couldn't save her and when we lost her on the that table, I lost a huge part of me. There was no making sense of it. In theory I knew what was right but my heart just couldn't see straight. Couldn't see reason. Couldn't see what was true. I felt so responsible, as though it was me that jammed that stake into her. It's stupid I know but I dug a hole and I just kept sinking."<br>"You chose to sink Derek because I was there and I was holding a hand out to you the whole time and you refused. You refused to see what you still had in front of you. You weren't the only one who lost her Derek. I did too. So did Reid and Rossi. JJ and Hotch possibly lost more than we did because carrying that secret, they felt that they had to distance themselves from us. In turn losing us too. I love you Derek, I always will. All these years as friends guarantees that you will always have a special place in my heart, but you were selfish. You acted as though you were the only one who had a right to miss her, to grieve her death. It didn't matter that anyone else could have needed you. That I needed you. "  
>"I felt that I had nothing to offer,"<br>"That's such bull Morgan! You were my best friend. I didn't need you to rescue me. I needed you to just be there. I needed you to be my partner as you have always been. But instead of going through this together, you left me. Not only did you make sure you dropped me from your life, you used every ounce of energy to push me away. I remember it all Derek. Every word you spoke that determined to push me out of your life. I may forgive you, and I do but I can't erase it from my head, and my heart doesn't know how to delete how you made me feel every day for those weeks after Em died. No apology, no matter how sincere and heartfelt can erase that. I wish it could."

Derek didn't know what to say. Everything she said, what he did, how he behaved, it was a miracle that she would even be in the same room as him, let along forgive him. There were no words that could ever take back how he made her feel. Or erase the images of her face in his mind every time he dismissed her or just ignored her. He regretted his behavior as soon as they were released but something always stopped him.  
>"Maybe it was better off this way. Maybe it was time to go our separate ways and you did me a favour by shoving me out the door and not giving me an alternative. The thing is Derek as hurt as I was, it was what I needed to ask myself what I wanted and just go for it. I probably would have never questioned it before. The BAU was my whole world and I never wanted anything more than that and that's just short changing myself." Penelope let out a deep breath not sure if she was articulating herself well at all.<br>"I have no regrets about staying in the BAU nor would I have had any regrets if I didn't leave, but now that I have and I've seen what I could do. I, I need you to know. I'm happy Derek. Happier than I've been in almost a year, more than that I'm at peace with myself. I want you to be happy Derek and above all I want you to be at peace. I know how sorry you are. I do and I always have but if what you're asking is beyond forgiveness and you think we can be what we once were. I don't think we can. Too much has happened and too much time has passed."  
>"Are you saying we can't be friends?" he asked<br>"Of course not. We will always be friends in some shape or form. I'm just saying it'll be different Derek and is that something you're going to be okay with?"  
>"P, not having you in my life in any capacity is something I learned and probably have always known, is unacceptable. As dumb as it sounds not having you in my life makes me feel like something is incomplete, that I am incomplete. I understand what you're trying to say, and if you would just let me, I'd like to stick around in your life as your friend, however and which was you'd like to do it." Penelope hesitate for a moment and Derek couldn't blame her after everything he had put her though.<br>"Okay Morgan, we'll take it one day at a time."


	9. What we do for family

"Hey Dave, it's Penelope. Just checking in to say hi. Sorry I missed you. Chances are you're up in the air on your way to a case, or back from one. I never know these days. Anyways, just randomly sending a lot of love your way," she rambled cheerfully in his voicemail. Dave chuckled knowing there was nothing random about her phone call.

He had confessed to only her and Emily about the return of his first ex wife Carolyn and the burden of what she had asked of him. Though tried as he might to keep it to himself both Emily and Penelope had a radar and an unrelenting trait to poke and poke until they got the answer they were digging so deep for. He knew he was fortunate that they cared so much and he appreciated their love and concern.

Penelope was months into her placement in London, and as promised she kept in touch and the rest of them made all the effort to make sure they spoke to her often. He knew that JJ and Emily were in contact with her daily, with text messages and emails just as he was certain Derek and Reid were as well. Truth was, most days he and Hotch were too. She had become such a confidant to both of them, and though they all missed her terribly, they knew she was flourishing.

Dave hit number one on his speed dial, which funnily enough remained to be Penelope even after her departure. Penelope was quite amused when she discovered that none of them had bothered to change it.

"There has never been anything random about your phone calls Penelope. Ever!" Penelope chuckled as she he teased her. It was good to hear his attempt at humour even if she could sense that he was in the midst of turmoil.  
>"I have no idea what you are talking about David Rossi. I'm merely a friend calling another friend, touching base, talking rubbish…" she answered with a smile<br>"I bet you don't, but thank you all the same."  
>"So…"<br>"I'm just driving to her place now."  
>"Are you okay about telling her no." she asked knowingly,<br>"Now what makes you think that I would immediately say no."  
>"Because I know you. You my friend are a man of principles and though I know how much you love Carolyn, you would never be able to live with yourself if you did as she asked. It would eat you alive."<br>"But I'm letting her down." He confessed regretfully,  
>"Dave, Carolyn knows you better than anyone. Remember you told me that. She already knows your answer, she knew before she asked you. I think she just wanted to be able to spend these last days with you. You're an amazing man Dave, and we may tease and hassle you like a bunch of annoying nieces and nephews, but you truly are one of the greatest men I have ever met in my life. I miss my parents every day, but you know what, when I miss my Dad, I call you. You give me the same comfort, and for that I feel blessed. If I could feel that and I have only known you for what maybe four years, I can only imagine what she must feel for you." Penelope said softly as she leaned back into her office chair. Dave's eyes began to water,<br>"Thank you Penelope. I feel incredibly honoured that you would feel that, and I am proud to have you as a daughter in my life." Penelope could feel that they were both about to lose their composure,  
>"Be brave in there Dave, she's going to need you to be."<p>

"Thank you Bella,"  
>"Anytime, call me later if you need to. I'll be around."<p>

"I will."

After Penelope put the phone down she had to get up from her chair and take a walk. During times such as those, she wished she lived closer. She could only imagine how much harder the days ahead were going to be for Dave, how her heart broke from him knowing that Carolyn will always be the one he loved the most. After everything they shared, it would be hard not to. Immediately it brought her thoughts to Derek. After she left for New York to get ready for her move to London she wasn't quite sure where they were going to go from there. How do you start to work on something that came so naturally before? How do you fix something that you weren't quite sure how it broke?

As promised, they took it day by day. Derek called her every day to check in. At first she had to fight the urge to tell him that he didn't need to do that, realising that they had to start somewhere and though it felt a little unnatural at first, gradually it became easier, and now most days, it came naturally. These days she found herself calling him too, just for something random, as she once used to. It was like they were starting to get to know each other again. Perhaps it was because what they what they had before was so instinctual, that trying seemed inappropriate. Wrong even, but the more they talked, the more they got to really know the other instead of allowing their gravitational pull to determine their friendship. Derek realised there was so much more he didn't know about Penelope, and in turn Penelope could see that Derek had opened himself to her without boundaries and began to talk to her about everything. About things he never would have openly discussed before without prompting. She appreciated that, and as he opened up to her, little by little she could feel herself trust him again. There are days, out of habit she would call him because she needed him to talk her off her ledge, and she'd catch herself in the first ring and hang up. Immediately he would call her back and she would end up telling him what was going on with her, and he would indeed end up talking her off her ledge.

"I don't know if I can do this Derek. This is way beyond my expertise. What if it all blows up in my face?"  
>"P, you are stronger than I've ever seen you. The new country, the new job, the new friends, this whole software launch, you are becoming the woman I always knew you were deep down inside, behind the façade, that you insisted on hiding behind. You can do this. It may be a little daunting, but you moved to another state, you finally found what you loved doing the most in the world, and you're amazing at it. It's what brought you there, to this moment. You can do this P. Heck I think you can do anything. You just need to stay true to you, because it's you that got you to this point. You my friend are more than capable of doing this, you will so kick ass at this." Penelope couldn't help but chuckle,<br>"This whole not entirely true perception of me is deeply comforting,"  
>"What the 21st century heroin who can do all things?" he answered with a smile,<br>"Yeah that one. Thank you."  
>"You're welcome P, and for the record I believe it's true." <p>

A few hours later, as Penelope lounged around in her apartment over Marble Arch over looking the busyness of London she had learned to love, she received the call.

"She's gone Penelope." He uttered in devastation  
>"Oh Dave, I am so sorry."<br>"I got here and she knew I couldn't do it, that I wouldn't do it. She had already taken something and now she's gone."  
>"Where are you now Dave?" she asked worriedly, wondering if the rest of the team had yet caught wind of the news.<br>"The coroners have just left the hotel room. They've just taken her away."  
>"Have you told the others?" she asked,<br>"No."  
>"Are you going home or are you going to stay there?"<br>"I can't bring myself to leave,"  
>"Then stay put. Let me call Em and I will call you back." Knowing there was no point in protesting Dave agreed.<p>

"Em, you need to go to Dave." Penelope gave her a brief summary along with the address to the hotel he was at. She could hear Emily slip her shoes on and head out the door within minutes. When she knew she was on her way, she called Dave and talked to him till Emily arrived. From there, there was not much she could really do for him except assure him that she was there if he needed her. None were at all surprised to find her at Dave's doorstep hours later. Emily smiled as she opened the door to discover her friend standing there in her jeans, hoodie and sneakers, hair up in a pony tail. Emily guessed that just like she it was what Penelope was wearing when the news came.  
>"He's so going to get cranky you came all this way," Emily stated as she hugged her friend, glad that she was there.<br>"Tough luck," She answered as she followed Em into Dave's house. Penelope smiled as her eyes fell to the quiet solidarity that sat around Dave's kitchen bench.  
>"He's in his study." Hotch answered her unspoken question. Penelope nodded and gave them all a brief hug before heading straight to Dave's study.<p>

She found him sitting stoically on his leather chair, hand firmly nursing his scotch, thoughts obviously far away. Though his face revealed little, his eyes conveyed the love and loss he felt.

"Heard you could use a hug," Dave looked up in surprise at the sound of her voice.  
>"Cara, you didn't need to come all this way." He said as she wrapped her arms around him.<br>"Hush up. Last I heard we're still family! I told you I'd be here if you need me, and whether or not you do, I'm here anyway, so suck it up." She murmured into his chest as he hugged her tightly  
>"Well for the record, necessary or not. I am glad to see you."<p>

"That's what a girl likes to hear." She replied pulling back a little to flash him a grin before hugging him again.


	10. White Flag

"How's he doing?" Derek asked as she came out of the study.

"Devastated, as to be expected." Penelope answered gratefully taking the cup of tea he offered to her.

"My favourite," she said softy with a smile after taking a sip. Derek grinned,

"I found it in Dave's pantry. I assume he keeps it there for you." Penelope nodded.

"He came with me on a snack run a little while ago and he saw me pick one up for the office because I was running low and ever since then he's always kept a stash here at home and his office."

"It's good to see you P, despite the crappy circumstances."

"You too Morgs." she replied. Taking him by complete surprise ad she stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him into a hug. Instinctively he wrapped his arms tightly around her, burying his face into her shoulder, breathing her in as if his life depended on it. The last time he had held her so close and so desperately was at the hospital, as they waited for the news on Emily.

"God I miss you." he confessed brokenly into her.

"I've miss you too Morgs."she replied as she stroked the back of his head with her hand somewhat habitually.

In that moment, there was a white flag. For that instance they allowed themselves to be who they naturally were. Who they've always been, and much as it hurt that it was no longer as easy as it once, it was comforting for moments such as these, they were able to revert back, if only temporarily. If only for that moment.

Em walked in and stopped still in her tracks not wanting to ruin the moment knowing that the moment it was broken, everything would turn back into what it has been. She also wanted to give Derek that moment for as long as she could. She had hoped it would restore him, knowing if anything could. It would be Penelope.

Derek saw her and caught her gaze. His eyes conveyed the gratefulness he had. He couldn't help but hug Penelope that little bit tighter, savoring every second.


	11. Being there

"Hey, you guys don't happen to be chasing unsubs in a tornado are you?" Penelope asked as she navigated several screens in front of her, her cell phone cradled on her shoulder. She was in town for an unplanned meeting and she had hoped to see them briefly before she had to head to New York for the very same meeting with the New York office.

It had been weeks since she had flown in from London for Carolyn's death. Dave had flown to London with her after the funeral and effectively after he had sorted out Carolyn's affairs, which were in good order. He spent a few days hanging in her apartment as she worked and in the evenings they explored. Then he spent a week in Italy to visit with his mother. It was his first case back and she had checked in with him before they jumped on the jet a few days earlier.

"Well, we are the BAU's finest..." JJ replied dryly  
>"What's wrong Jayje?" Penelope asked worriedly, noticing immediately that JJ was despondent.<br>"Henry's sick, he's in hospital and I can't get a stupid flight out of here because of the storms."  
>"What? What happened? Which hospital?" Penelope said standing straight to her feet and started closing down the screens before her.<br>"He's been not feeling well the last week and his fever had finally broken before I had left and then this morning it spiked again and Will had to take him to the hospital and I'm not there. Garcie, I'm his Mommy and I'm not there."  
>"Oh honey you couldn't have known. Is he okay?"<br>"Yeah, they're just keeping him overnight for observation and they're sending home in the morning."  
>"That's good honey. He'll be okay."<br>"But I'm not there."  
>"I know sweetheart and I know that breaks your heart but you weren't to know and he's fine Jayje. As soon as the storms clear you will be with him."<br>"I'm a horrible mother!"  
>"Stop it! You are not going to be any good to yourself, or to Henry if you worry yourself sick. Henry knows that you love him and that you will get to him as soon as you can, and until then I'll be there."<br>"Garcie, you can't fly home every time there's a crisis." JJ protested  
>"Who says? And secondly I am already here. Hence why I was calling to begin with. I'm here for an impromptu big wig meeting. I was going to see if you guys were back so I can see you before I head to New York. So now tell me, which hospital is my precious Godchild in?"<p>

JJ felt a thousand times better after she hung up the phone. Somehow it made all the difference that Henry would have a Mommy like figure there to comfort him. Though she knew that Will would be doing an amazing job, it was still different to have a feminine touch. Knowing that Henry loved his fairy Penny softened the blow of not having his Mommy there.

"Fairee Pennee," little Henry La Montagne squealed with as much enthusiasm as his weakened state allowed upon seeing his godmother. Will turned and grinned as he saw their dear friend walking towards them.  
>"Hey little man! Are you not feeling well my little love?" she asked as leant down to gather him into her arms for a hug.<br>"All better Penny. I had popsicle."  
>"Well that is the best medicine in the world. You know your Mommy sent me here because she wanted to be with you so badly but she got stuck in the storm."<br>"Is Mommy okay?" he asked worriedly,  
>"She is sweetness, she's just worried about her little man. She wishes she could be here with you, especially as you're not feeling too good."<br>"I'm okay," he said smiling up at her reassuringly. Penelope dropped her lips to his forehead and gave him another squeeze,  
>"Well I think we should video call Mommy just so she can see you for herself."<p> 


End file.
